Bald Head and a Dark Interview

My god I see them everyday. These women walking around Cameroon with little hair on their head, just like the beautiful Alek Wek and gorgeous bodies and huge earings. I have seen them everyday since I have been here.I love it. I think its so beautiful that women could look to natural and still be so beautiful. NO fucking extension hair or makeup. Just purely natural. I decided that I was going to take the bold step to be one of them.

I was so tired of having to sit in the salon and rely on fake hair to feel beautiful. I wanted to try it. Women all over the world have pressures to be beautiful. By men, By women. BY families..what it would be like to define what beautiful means to me? I guess its deeper than just cutting off my hair. Its making a point that I could feel beautiful in one of my most natural forms.

Latley. Whenever I have looked at myself I Cant believe its me. I look so good. Its nice to see yourself as b eautiful. But beautiful without that much hair. Now that’s another level. It something that I was always curious about and admired. Women can be so beautiful without hair. Well not that much of it anyways.

So I went to the salon. Communicated what I wanted. Or so I thought. The guy took a fuckin razor to my fro and chopped it off in like 10 minutes. I started to pout. To cry inside. To kick to scream. It was too short. The guy ended up cutting it too short. Fuck. I looked like a man. I looked like a man with earings and tits. I didn’t look anything like those women. My hair was too short. I was so pissed off I left the salon. Came back to my room and started crying because I thought I looked bad. I thought I looked like an akward he she with tits. Not like the women I see on the streets at all. It was too short. I cried. I pouted. Luckily, my lovely team mate Stephanie came and told me that I still looked good.

In her famous statement, “there’s nothing to do. There’s nothing to do” I got up..went to eat and accepted the fact that being bold has its risks.

So at the end of it all, while I am bald…I really feel different. Its amazing feeling to not have any hair. Its like this incredible feeling to be so natural about things. So I find myself…still in shock but bit by little hair on their heads. I am for the first time experiencing something that I have wanted to experience: to be beautiful with short hair. To be natural and still feel beautiful. Somehow society tells us that we need hair to be beautiful…but its hard to break the norm I wanted to try it because I believed that I could be beautiful..and Im finding that I still am. With or without hair.

To be honest, Im going to grow it back. I’m missing my extentions already. But this experience is something that I have been curious about..and so glad I did it. I wanted to feel confident. Confident that I can feel beautiful no matter what kind of hair I have. I can feel beautiful on my own terms.

I know that the biggest thing that I need to be success is self love . Its like appreciating yourself for what you are. Instead of trying to recreate yourself. So I wanted to try it with beauty. Looking at myself in a natural way…just trying to appreciate my natural beauty. Why should I have anyone else tell me I’m beautiful? Why should other people be the only ones that say it?

Also today, I did an interview in the dark. Four interviews actually for our exchange program. The lights went out in our office/house. So imagine me with a table outside, with my laptop for light, and asking questions. Selection process in the dark . Only in Cameroon. The best part of it was that I was completely calm. It seemed normal almost. Like I was just like..alright black out. We’ll do it outside. Nothing stopped. Everything continued and the interviews got done. So this is what I love about my contient: people find a way to make things happen. I find myself becoming more African by the day.

So I cut my hair and did an interview in the dark. I cried a bit. But laughed a lot. Ahh..I’m telling you come to Africa. It’ll change your life.

Missing you

Do you know what its like to miss you? Its this tingling sensation I feel when I want you close to me even though your far away. Do you know whats its like to miss you?

The sensation of missing something-missing a place, or a person is such a powerful emotion. You feel connected to something that is a thousand miles away from you.

I have felt it many times in my life as I have been lucky to have been a traveller. Been blessed to be one in fact. The funny part of is that it does not matter how long you stay in a place that makes you miss it. Its the moments, the people, the food, the smells that can make you miss something-that can connect you to a place or a time.
Its magical. Its magical that we can be in the present creating history and be missing a month or a year later. Its the power of the world we live in.

I have had the best holiday of my life. The people, the places, the laughter, excitement and fun of Oman have made me feel connected and rediscover a place. I feel like I have found another home in three weeks.

Like any emotions, you can take the good and bad with it. You can choose to let it consume you in a sense that you feel hurt that you are leaving a place. you are leaving food, friends, and fun behind. But on the other hand, you can take the happiness that you have found in one place and take it with you to another.

I want to take the happiness that I have found here in Oman and hvae it with me.
Ill miss you Oman. Thank you for your kindess, fun, and amazing spirit.

I will miss this time for the rest of my life.

i will carry this happiness for the rest of my life.

The best holiday ever-2007 Oman!

I leave for Cameroon in two hours!

Time to carry happiness with me!

Offically Ghanian-Canadian

In the past, one of the most dreaded questions I used ot hear was: WHERE ARE YOU FROM? I didnt know how to respond. Truth be told I know I'm not the only one. I'm not the only person in the world that has many different origins, different places that you lived, or has a home in a place where you dont speak the language or look like a citizen. I think that its thanks to globalization, interracial love, and opportunity..why there are many people in our generation that feel the way i do.

My story is that I have been born to Ghanian parents, grew up in Canada (but did a hit and run--was there for one year of my life), lived in the US (texas) for seven years, then lived in the Middle East for ten years (Kuwait and Saudi Arabia). My whole life whenever anyone has asked me where I am from: I usually switch the topic or had no idea. I had never lived in Canada. Well, as for Ghana..I really didnt know. While growing up, I became disconnected from it. Didnt learn the language or the customs or traditions..and I'm not quite sure why. I looked Ghanian but didnt feel it. In my mind, it was just something that was distant from me. I never thought that I could be Ghanian. Never thought that I could be Canadian....cause I didnt live there. Or know anything about the country even though I must say that the passport rocks! Better than American!

So as a result of my confusion, one of my dreams was to go to Africa after university. To live and work there. Which is exactly what I'm doing through AIESEC in Cameroon. My choices were Ghana and CAmeroon. I chose Cameroon out of intuition as I felt like it was not the time to go to Ghana. I was definetly right. My identity and questions about it came out through a strong conversation with one of my very great friends in Cameroon Landry who's also my boss. He asked me one day weather I thought I was Ghanian and I said bluntly that I did not think it was possible because I had never been and didnt know anything about it. He looked me in the eye and said that you say you are not Ghanian because you choose not to be. Embarrasingly, I started to cry as my identity has always been a puzzle. I never knew where I was from. Confused children as my sister calls us.

I never knew that people could choose their identity. I thought that society told us what we should be. My whole life I've been told I'm not Ghanian cause I dont speak the language or know very much about the country. I've been told I was not Canadian cause I havent lived in the country for long. Thats what I assumed and thats what I believed.

After being in Oman, I have made my first important decision: I am a Ghanian-Canadian. I know where I'm from. This holiday was very important for me as it gave me a chance to figure out more about where I'm from and who I want to be. Solve this intriguing puzzle of my identity. After speaking to my parents about where I come from, the language, and some tradiitons I realized that yes...I may not know that much but this is a part of me that i need to accept. Somewhere along the line it was lost but...I can find it again. REading on the internet, emailing relatives, asking questions, looking at pictures. I can be African. I can be Ghanian.

Africa is incredible and after living in Cameroon and being in Oman I am so proud to be a part of it. Its so dynamic, so beautiful, mysterious, amazing...and I swear to god itll change your life. Its such a magical place. Stretches your limits of what is possible from women carrying pots on their heads, to the way people drive, to how people live, how people think..its very fascinating. But like I've been told this Africa of mine is full of beauty and misery...just a enormous paradox that I have decided I want to be a part of.

Most importantly, identity like everything in life is a choice. Its what we choose to be and its what we want it to be. Which is something i never knew. I thought that you had to have a lanague or behaviors..to be something. Which is important..but not necessary. Its our own personal connections to it that matter more than anything. If you believe it, then its true.

Im off to Cameroon in two days and I'm very happy to go back. Its been a weird expereince in the sense that my emotions have been ridiculous. Cried so much. Sad so much. Most of the time I couldnt even explain it to anyone around me. But After being here, I'm greatful for it because I know that Cameroon really prepared me for Ghana. At least when I go there, I'll be ready for it. REady to understand, to know and have the inner strength to know the place where I came from.

Until then I'll enjoy the last five months and work most of all to overcome my fear of the language of love: French. Something that I love and adore but have been to chicken shit to speak enough until. I need to be fluent before 25 so I better stop fearing and start working.

Offically a Ghanian-Canadian :) First important decision of 2007.

My dream is to live and work in Ghana some how. And just like everything else I've focused on in my life: Im going to do it. My sister and I put our heads together and we know some words of our language...which is cool!

Thank you Cameroon! :)