Hey everybody from DOUala, Cameroon.

Living in a new place is seriously the best opportnity you have to get to knowwho you are and what you are all about. REFLECTION hard core! ;) Everybody has their secret. It is that something..that special thing that they do not like to share with other peopleregardless of how generous or nice you are. Even mother Thersa had her secret.

For some people its time. Somepeople like to keep it for themselves and their work.For others its money. Some people only like to spend it on themseslves. For other its their ideas. Some people filter their thoughts their thoughts very carefully before they share it with others.
For me ..its my body. This is the one thing that I do not like to share with others. That is my secret.

I am 23 years old. I am living in Douala, Cameroon. I am living an amazing life here where my views daily are being challenged turned and twisted. One of the topics that is constantly being challenged here is my sexuality.
Fuck. Shit. Masterbation..Lets face it. We talk about it. And if we are not talking about itWe are dreaming about it. Thats just the way it flows these days.
I live in a house with one girl and at the moment five guys...so sex comes up on a regular basis.

Especially with Cameroonian men who are known to be very open in their sexualaffairs. Sex is veiwed as a need....something that can be obtained whenever necessary.Like water. Or food. Its just something you need so you get it when you want it.Obviously not from everybody..but from whomever that comes along that meets your criterea.

In the house we have been having discussions about sexuality. And I happened to be in the pictures..usually the topics revolved around how many people you've slept with, oramazing topics like the role of sexuality in people lives.

Some view sexuality as something to be explored and something that needs to be enjoyed. Not directly connected with love or romance.

While me on the other hand...I view it completley differently. Some call me a traditionalist. I say that I am creating my own sexual culture. I am twenty three years old and I am still a virgin.
To be honest, I used to be shy about it. I mean I would look at myself and wonder what thefuck is wrong with me? Society tells us that we should be a certain way right? I mean...sexy women that shoudl be attracting men..right? I mean..thats what we are supposed to be doing? there's just gotta be something wrong with me...

So many times..I have heard--SO JUANITA WHEN ARE WE GONNA GET YOU A BOYFRIEND? And I just have to laugh at that crazy crazy question.
So i used to hide the fact that I wasnt a virgin..until I came to Cameroon and reflected alot...
The truth is that since I was 5 years old..the boys havent been flowing my way at all.First boy that I liked..white boy in Texas....he thought I was too loud..And then ..the comments just progressed from all the boys..too loud, too bright colors,should be more lady like...whatever....on and on too much of somethingnot enough of that...

Its not like I havent had my chances..its not that hard for a woman to get laid. But its always attached with..I think you would be perfect if you just were like this.......like I'm supposed to change and mold to suit a man's needs.....I thought this was my life.
For me, in terms of men...i have never been perfect enough or ever lived up totheir expectations...

In the beggining, I thought there was something wrong with me. But now I know its not about something wrong with me or something wrong with them. It definetlygoes much much deeper than that.

I have never felt the need to change myself for anyone. It has always been the biggest insult to my identity and myself. My entire life men have expected me to be something that I am not..just I can sleep with them..and meet up to their needs....

And for me..my body is my secret..something that I own. Protect. Keep with my life. For certain eyes. For certain people..its the tool I use to live my dreams and make my mark on the world therefore if someone's gonna see me naked they better be pretty damn special.

And whomever gonna's see it....I believe that they should accept me for who I am. My imperfections included. Full stop. Why should I change and mold just to have the opportunity to tell the world that I had a fucking orgasm?
That is completley against everything that I stand for and what I believe in.

So I am not a virgin to this day because I dont value sex, or thing that men suck..cause they dont. Men are beautiful creatures. Sex is a good thing. But I refuse to hide myself behind some sweet voice, sexy clothles, makes up, just so thata man can become attracted to something that does not exist.

I am worth more than just an act.

Sex and love. Completley the same for me. I believe that in order for someone to see my body...that person has to love me...cause my body is something that I value very very highly. Its the same thing for me.

So until then I guess I can just wiat. Wait patiently for someone who is willing to accept my imperfections. Sit around and wait for someone who..wont expect to laughquiter or dress differently or whatever fucking things piss people off.
Its a hard thing in this world..to accept someone's imperfections. you've got to be kidding me.
But if I can do it....Then I expect my sexual partner too cause thats the way it goes with me.
My body is my secret and only few people can see it. 23 old virign. Damn right I am....and living it up as well ;)
Unlike the rest of the world I am in no rush for an orgasm...