Colhelo wasnt playing around when he said your greatest challenge was yourself.
Well...I really understood the truth behind this statement today actually.

The day was good you know. I was smiling being myself.
Then I had to do homework. I started doing research. And it was as if a light switch went off in my head. I was like fuck..I just cant do this anymore.
I dont want to see another printer, another piece of paper, another library anotehr anything that reminds me of writing papers.
I swear I just lost it. Lost it like this pent up rage just let loose and I couldnt take it anymore.

SO I figured going out would help. Not really. I mean I was with good people as usual. There's always good people around. I went to a movie, Tsosti (I didnt like it...just reinforced every sterotype that exists about the black man and woman that is out there), then I went to the mercury lounge (most beautiful poem Ive ever heard about love was performed), and then I said good bye to Earnesto.

Through out these festivities..I didnt speak much. I didnt really say anything. I was just so fedup of writing papers and doing school and being stressed that I think it just got to me...in the sense that I was so tired that I didnt want to speak anymore.
This month has been quite rough for me as I have been getting weird amounts of sleep..and on top of that the fatigue I have from being in school for five years. I think its just this sense of feeling burnt out.

I remember that this similar scenario of me being quite happened in high school as well...in my senior year. I snapped....got tired for a day and didnt say anything to anyone. Its what happens when I'm burnt out I just dont feel like talking to anyone and all I want to do is just be myself and figure out how im going to get through what I'm going through.

But thats life I think. You get tired. You have to do things you dont want to do. But...those who are successful find a way to overcome the biggest challenge of all: themselves. At least for me it is. Figuring out how to find happiness in everytihng..especially in a time like this where I am tired..but still have to keep going and not let my sprits get down because of anything related to school. I dont want to remember my last days in ottawa like this.

It just comes down to making a choice. Making a choice to be positive or negative as hell.
For me I'm going to choose to positive. I guess today was one of those days that I had to go to hell to see the light. But thats alright...life works like that. Its weird..and we all have our bad days..and just gotta make the next one better.

I've made a choice to believe in myself that I can get through this and not let all this stress get to me. i'm going to enjoy this. While I may be sick and tired of school and hate it right now, I have to deal with it and take it one word at a time. Sometimes thats all ya can do...just take it man.
:)

So that it..I have found some new loves in life.
Zola and Corneille. Beautiful black men that know how to make good music.
Seriously....they know what they are doing...
You should check them out.
Zola is a South AFrican artist that will make you dance.
Corneille is a sexy french artist.

Black men ..are beautiful.

A month left to Cameroon.
The adventure begins.

As for the next month, positivety will take over.